12.23.2012

Grandparent Facebook Trolls


The Baroness Walpurga Von Friesen Spreading Gossip to Another Woman
According to Edison Research, more than 1 in 3 grandparents have a Facebook account. That's good news for grandparents who have small grandchildren, as it allows them to keep up with them through pictures and the like. However, inevitably, those grandchildren grow up, and as they reach their teen years, probably the last person on earth they want to have liking and commenting on their every status update is Grandma. Unfortunately, turning off Grandma is not as easy as you would hope.

My mother is a Facebook Troll. I am at a complete loss as to how to rein her in, as she spends hours every day reading everyone else's Facebook posts and commenting and liking things the moment they are posted. She has never posted a single status on her own page. That's just obnoxious.

It is easy, I suppose, when you have too much time on your hands, as my mother does, to imagine a world filled with far more drama than it really contains, so she seems to imagine things that aren't there. For instance, my now very adult and married stepdaughter Facebook liked Gerber, which convinced my mother that she must be pregnant. She's not. 

Our neighbor got a second dog awhile back. He posted a picture of her on his Facebook page. His other dog, Buddy, probably just a bit jealous, had been hanging out at our house for several days, running around the yard with our dog. I wrote on his page "That must be why Buddy has been hanging out at my house for the past week." My mother, unable to see the context, phoned me almost immediately and demanded to know who Buddy was. Apparently she thought I was having some illicit affair with a guy named Buddy. Thanks a lot, Mom.

I feel like my Facebook page has been hijacked by her, but how do you unfriend your 80 year old mother? Apparently my daughter has the nerve to do so, but so far my son and I haven't, although I can see a day coming when he will. My Facebook has a post that reads,

"Hello all - Please message me if you need me. Please don't write to me here. Thanks."

I hate to be that way, but I feel I have no other choice besides unfriending her.

Keeping with that idea, I have unfriended all the kids I know except my children. As with my mother, I think my friends have no business on my children's pages, and I have no business on theirs. I don't even go to my children's pages unless they specifically invite me to do so, and I only write on them once a year to say Happy Birthday. They should be entitled to privacy as well. They have unfriended most adults now, which is a blessing. 

If you have any great tips for politely unfriending your parents or grandparents, please share. I'd like to go back to enjoying my friends online.

Early Facebook Troll gossip poster is available from AllPosters.

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